this is how i roll...(+er coaster)

City Jet, New Jersey

My first roller coaster ride was the City Jet with my father in Ocean City. My first upside down one was in 4th grade... the Sooper Dooper Looper in Hershey Park... sounds dangerous, doesn't it.

And believe it or not... I'm riding a roller coaster right now... as we speak or as i type...on my computer... at my home. :o)  But right now, I'm on the fun part of the ride... where you can lift your arms in the air and act like it was all a piece of cake!
                                 
See... when we first started the fertility process three years ago in 2010, we weren't told that we were really getting on a roller coaster ride. And  to hold on tight. It's a ride that consumes you... emotionally, sometimes physically, and definitely financially.

We got on the ride after losing Rylan Cruz, knowing we would need help. Duh... i don't have a uterus anymore, so that's a given :o).  At first, I did all the fertility treatments/ injections, but I only had one follicle that responded. Thus even further proving how much of a miracle Rylan was. When they went to retrieve the egg, the follicle burst... and the egg was lost to the bowels... talk about a rotten egg. lol

When i tried the fertility treatments a second time in 2011, i didn't respond at all.  That was when we transitioned to finding a donor egg. After a long process... see... i'm giving you the short version :o)... we found a donor that we liked. Finally in January of 2012 we were the proud parents of 9 little frozen embryos. P.S. More to come in the future about the egg donor selection process.

little duckie: 3 cells!

Our next step was to find a carrier for our little bambino which led us to a lawyer/ agency. (More to come regarding selecting a carrier in the future.) P.S. I am also limited by law about what i can actually say/ type. :o)

After the long screening process, our first embryo transfer was in September 2012. Our plan was to thaw 3 embryos and implant 2. But only one had survived the thawing process.. so we defrosted 2 more, and only one of those survived. However, come the next morning, only one continued to grow and divide. He or she was a whopping 3 cells, but the transfer was not successful.

November 2012... we thawed the remaining four embryos. And in the end, none of the embryos were viable for transfer. Nada. Zilche. The clinic wasn't sure why we had such bad outcomes... they could only attribute it to bad luck. At this point, Juan was tired of riding this emotional roller coaster ride. And i could sense the clinic's despair. Perhaps, they didn't remember how stubborn I am... Whoops. Cross that out, I meant determined. :o)  (see March post: Stubborn as a Mule)

So... back to square one & finding another egg donor. More of a long story made short... i found one that i absolutely loved. And then... Duh, Duh, Duh... I was diagnosed with cancer. The hospital held a whole ethics board committee meeting. But in the end... it was decided that we could move forward since we had been invested in the process for three years. That was the worst part of the roller coaster... when you have no control over anything and you pee your pants... lol. That and when they spoke of me...in my presence... at the meeting as if i were already dead. My carrier also had to sign a form with her lawyer saying she still wished to proceed with us even though i was diagnosed with terminal cancer. Seeing it in writing was even a little harder than hearing it.



Well on the second attempt with our selected anonymous donor... *"I wish i had a million dollars...HOT DOG!" (*footnote: It's a Wonderful Life) We are having another baby or baby bear :o)
Or now, we can say little pumpkin. Because if all goes well, we'll be finding out the sex on Halloween! Best Halloween EV-ER!

So with all its twists and turns and ups and downs... it has all been worth the ride.

lots of love... little lisa lollipop