My McDonald's story..........part deux

            warning: sensitive pictures below


Now back to my McDonald's story.  In hindsight, yes, I had some signs of pregnancy, but having been told that I would never conceive, I didn't think much of them... and hindsight is always clearer.  And in my defense, I was also planning my sister's baby shower at the time.  So I thought it was wishful thinking.  The good thing about being an idiot and not knowing that I was pregnant... I only had to wait one week to find out the sex: a beautiful baby boy! One of my coworkers told me that this was the feel good story of the unit.  Like one of those Lifetime movie specials as I mentioned before.  Well, I wish this part of my story had a happy ending.

On the morning of April 21, 2010, I woke up with intense abdominal pain at 5:00am. After resting and attempting to get out of bed several times (to drive myself to the ER), I finally gave in.  My boyfriend and I decided to call my sister who lives nearby, and then they called the ambulance. Fortunately, they were both off from work that day.  Well when the ambulance arrived, my blood pressure was 60/38, and I passed out when they placed me upright onto the sitting stretcher.  Now being a nurse, I knew that 60/38 was a crappy blood pressure.  What I didn't know... was that my uterus had ruptured.

I arrived at Hahnemann Hospital, and I later went to the OR for an exploratory laparotomy. Because of my complex medical history, they weren't quite sure where I was bleeding from. The medical team estimated that I had a total blood loss of about 5 Liters. As a nurse, I can not believe what my fluid resuscitation entailed:

5 Liters of Osmolite

1 Liter of Cell Saver

2 Units of Platlets

4 Units of Fresh Frozen Plasma

8 Units of Packed Red Blood Cells

Stop here. Sensitive pictures up ahead.
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At the point that I coded in the OR for 4 minutes... and my life was at risk, the decision was made to deliver our baby by emergency c-section. He was born at 9:44pm. 

I heart Rylan Cruz Dorantes Haffner!!

He was definitely a fighter! Even that morning, with the pre-op ultrasound, he was still kicking his little legs... like he would frequently do on my ultrasounds.

He was 1 pound, 2 ounces.

He was 11 inches long.

He lived for 14 hours.

It's hard to know that he was fine and that it was my body that failed him. The doctors say that this too was the result of my radiation treatments as a child.  Since my uterus was in the radiation field, it was small in size. As a non-pregnant woman, it was fine.  But as it grew during pregnancy, the walls became thin and compromised... and ultimately led to its rupture.

Side note:

Don't mind my pumpkin head in these pictures.  From all the fluid resuscitation, I gained over 30 pounds.  I couldn't even fit my arms into the holes of my forearm crutches.  I was so fortunate to have had an excellent team of doctors caring for me at H.H.  I was so lucky to survive.  My sister just told me today- the doctors had worried about possible brain damage from when I coded in the OR. I never knew that part of it.

Well, the physical healing is one thing; the harder part is the emotional healing. How do you heal a broken heart?  It was exactly one month... from that first ultrasound on March 28th... confirming our pregnancy... being at the happiest in your life... to the day of his burial on April 28th...  your life's lowest low.

And even though losing Rylan was my life's biggest sorrow, having him was also my life's biggest joy. He truly was a miracle! And although his time with us was brief, we are so lucky and blessed to have had him in our lives!

More on grieving the loss of your child on another day... I'm feeling a little drained right now.    

Keep fighting on all my wonderful bald headed friends... sending you all the love back that you have sent to me in your uplifting comments these past days... lots of love... little lisa lollipop

P.S.  Rylan Cruz is the notorious gang leader of the angels watching over me in Heaven!!! 

Watch out!!!