Well... never in a million years did i think i would be posting about this…
And never in a million years did i think that i would be riding in the back of a police car tonight… only 6 hours after getting home from my hospital stay.
See… a little after midnight, I was sitting on the sofa watching the biggest loser on my dvr, waiting for Juan to come home. I heard our screen door opening signaling that he was finally home from work. Except... it was not followed by the much anticipated sound of his keys opening the door. Instead… i heard a scuffle outside. I hopped to the door, opened it, and saw Juan being assaulted right outside our front door… The guy had grabbed Juan's coat and was dragging him while he demanded money and kept trying to stab him with a blade.
I just started screaming like a madwoman… like a truck driver. F bomb this and that… to scare him off and alert our neighbors. Juan managed to slide his coat off to break free and ran in the house. I tried to close the screen door behind him, but i fell backward and my foot got caught in the door. My poor only foot. The assailant and i locked eyes as i guess he decided his next move. He had those crazy glazed eyes… the ones that give your drug use away. I thought he was going to stab my foot. Ultimately, he took off casually walking down the street.
Well... never in a million years did i think i would be looking at mugshots at 0230 in the morning. I did think that all my hours of tv show watching were finally going to pay off… lockup raw, 48 hours, dateline, csi, the first 48… yes, I've seen them all. Well... no luck with the mugshots, but the detectives and police (who were so kind and awesome, by the way) are on it.
Here is the evidence that i, myself, have gathered so far..
Exhibit A: view from outside our front door. Note Juan's hat on the ground by the light post… that is where the assailant dragged Juan to.
Injuries sustained: scrapes and bruises
I had also debated on naming this post, NO MORE CEVICHE.
See... back in November, Juan was assaulted around 10:00pm also on a Sunday night. It was right outside the Comcast building. Luckily, Juan had noticed the two men following him, so he tried to flag down a police officer. When the police didn't see him and drove on, they moved in. Ran up behind him and tried to grab him in a headlock. Juan managed to shake them off and slide his backpack off to get rid of them. They took the bait, grabbed his bag, and took off running. Unfortunately for them, all that backpack had in it was Juan's ceviche dinner. Suckers! But Juan was pissed that night, because he really wanted that ceviche.
But at any rate, Juan is no longer allowed to bring it home for dinner. Did you ever see those funny commercials about cable. Where they start off with the person getting only basic cable… cause and effect later… the person has ruined his life because of that decision. So in this case… don't get ceviche to bring home for dinner… cause if you do, you'll be followed and assaulted… if you get assaulted you could die or you wife could scream like a maniac… and you'll end up looking at mug shots at 2 in the morning… and if you're at the police station late… you won't be able to get some sleep cause your wife then has to blog about it. Just get some sleep, and don't eat ceviche.
Never a dull moment in my lollipop world.
Lots of love…be safe… and don't eat ceviche.
little lisa lollipop
P.S. Juan did not have his decoy wallet on him. It was a Christmas present from my baby sister. Perhaps it would have come in handy.