Monday, January 27, 2014

Never say Never… by the bieb

Never Say Never once sang the Bieb, and i bet he never thought he would be arrested.
Well... never in a million years did i think i would be posting about this
And never in a million years did i think that i would be riding in the back of a police car tonight… only 6 hours after getting home from my hospital stay.

See… a little after midnight, I was sitting on the sofa watching the biggest loser on my dvr, waiting for Juan to come home. I heard our screen door opening signaling that he was finally home from work. Except... it was not followed by the much anticipated sound of his keys opening the door. Instead… i heard a scuffle outside. I hopped to the door, opened it, and saw Juan being assaulted right outside our front door… The guy had grabbed Juan's coat and was dragging him while he demanded money and kept trying to stab him with a blade.
Note: re-enactment

I just started screaming like a madwoman… like a truck driver. F bomb this and that… to scare him off and alert our neighbors. Juan managed to slide his coat off to break free and ran in the house. I tried to close the screen door behind him, but i fell backward and my foot got caught in the door. My poor only foot. The assailant and i locked eyes as i guess he decided his next move. He had those crazy glazed eyes… the ones that give your drug use away. I thought he was going to stab my foot. Ultimately, he took off casually walking down the street.

Well... never in a million years did i think i would be looking at mugshots at 0230 in the morning. I did think that all my hours of tv show watching were finally going to pay off… lockup raw, 48 hours, dateline, csi, the first 48… yes, I've seen them all. Well... no luck with the mugshots, but the detectives and police (who were so kind and awesome, by the way) are on it.

Here is the evidence that i, myself, have gathered so far..

Exhibit A: view from outside our front door. Note Juan's hat on the ground by the light post… that is where the assailant dragged Juan to.

Exhibit B: 
Juan's spilled ceviche... got spilled on our doorstep during the attack.

Injuries sustained: scrapes and bruises

Outside of
left ankle
(from door)

Inside of
left ankle

Right wrist:
from fall

I had also debated on naming this post, NO MORE CEVICHE.
See... back in November, Juan was assaulted around 10:00pm also on a Sunday night. It was right outside the Comcast building. Luckily, Juan had noticed the two men following him, so he tried to flag down a police officer. When the police didn't see him and drove on, they moved in. Ran up behind him and tried to grab him in a headlock. Juan managed to shake them off and slide his backpack off to get rid of them. They took the bait, grabbed his bag, and took off running. Unfortunately for them, all that backpack had in it was Juan's ceviche dinner. Suckers! But Juan was pissed that night, because he really wanted that ceviche.

But at any rate, Juan is no longer allowed to bring it home for dinner. Did you ever see those funny commercials about cable. Where they start off with the person getting only basic cable… cause and effect later… the person has ruined his life because of that decision. So in this case… don't get ceviche to bring home for dinner… cause if you do, you'll be followed and assaulted… if you get assaulted you could die or you wife could scream like a maniac… and you'll end up looking at mug shots at 2 in the morning… and if you're at the police station late… you won't be able to get some sleep cause your wife then has to blog about it. Just get some sleep, and don't eat ceviche.

Never a dull moment in my lollipop world.
Lots of love…be safe… and don't eat ceviche.
little lisa lollipop

P.S. Juan did not have his decoy wallet on him. It was a Christmas present from my baby sister. Perhaps it would have come in handy.


  1. Wtf?? Glad you guys are OK. Juan is one tough S.O.B. Hope they catch the bastard.

  2. Hope they catch him. So glad the 2 of you made it through this very scary. Hope your leg feels better!

  3. the police may want to check out the people who hang out in the restaurant Juan gets his Ceviche... if they saw him pull out the decoy wallet... and mistook for real cash... can't give up the ceviche!! hope you're all better soon...

  4. Hmm..ceviche and decoy wallets. Sorry you guys experienced that. Thats crazy. That is a cool decoy wallet though. Glad you guys are safe.

  5. Oh my God Lisa, how awful! and so scary! I am so sorry you went through that. Thank goodness you ultimately were ok.


  6. Hey Lis, it's been a few days since I've checked in & WOW, look what a few days bring! Who needs CSI when you know Lisa & Juan??!! I know this is SO NOT funny, but it's the ONLY way you roll (pun intended! =)). Seriously, I am so thankful you are both okay--I can only imagine how scary this must have been. Not only do you "roll" with all of this, you blog about it too!!! The "humor well" that you continue to draw from never ends! Prayers for continued healing physically and emotionally...and some REST all the way around!